Being Afraid

II wish this was not so true. What am I afraid of? This is something I am going to have to explore more. I have felt nervous today rather than excited. I think the reason may be that I am just so tired of failing. I feel like I just can't go through the mental warfare of committing to something only to let myself down. I think I am in a different place now. I know I can't go on like I have. "Now" is my watchword now. And maybe I need to stay in that mindset of just doing that ONE thing right now that is a better choice than I had made in the past. I want health. I want to live. I want to feel alive. This is my time....now.

To exthe