Being Afraid

II wish this was not so true. What am I afraid of? This is something I am going to have to explore more. I have felt nervous today rather than excited. I think the reason may be that I am just so tired of failing. I feel like I just can't go through the mental warfare of committing to something only to let myself down. I think I am in a different place now. I know I can't go on like I have. "Now" is my watchword now. And maybe I need to stay in that mindset of just doing that ONE thing right now that is a better choice than I had made in the past. I want health. I want to live. I want to feel alive. This is my time....now.

To exthe  

NOW

I read a book today that has given me a perspective I haven't had in a long time. It is called One Word That Will Change Your Life. I have needed to make some changes for some time now. I am miserable in my body. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't look the way that I want. I fear things; health, cancer, diabetes. I know I need to change things, but I make excuses every.single.day. 

   In this book, you are to choose a word that will be the focus of your years' actions. I was worried that I wouldn't come up with the perfect word. It outlines methods to come up with your word, and I was ready and willing to take the steps to discover the word that would be my anchor. But just as I finished the last few words of the book the word 'now' came to me. I sat with it for a while and contemplated its potential. I realized I had exhausted other mantras in the past; believe, dream, even Nike's "Just Do It". But what I had lacked is the simple idea of imperative action. In other words, no matter what the goal, no matter what the dream, sometimes the missing element is the idea of just getting up and doing whatever is necessary N.O.W. No more excuses, no more debates, no more mental dialogues. I also realized serendipitously that the word now can also be rearranged to say 'own'. As in, own your behavior, own your choices, own your success. The word can also be arranged to say "won". Not, I hope to win, or someday I might win, or in six months or sixty pounds I will win. No. Won. I won this battle, every time I make a choice to eat what will bring me health. I won every time I move my body so that I am choosing wellness not sickness. I won. The battle is over.  I like my word. It will work for me in 2014.

A Year from Now....

I sat in a Weight Watchers meeting the other day and I realized I had been there last year at this time......not good. Not good because in that year's time, I had actually managed to GAIN weight rather than lose it. Never again. It's been a good day. I am getting the hang of this and feeling happy with the control that I feel, and the fact that I am eating SO much better. I am going to concentrate on living every day, rather than waiting(weighting) to start my life when I feel better about my body. The first step is having a plan, and as important is loving who I am right now. Seems trite, and it is certainly not a novel idea...but I think it is the key to success.

Living...

Living is a good word. It is really what IT is all about. I mean, the only alternative I can think of is a fairly gloomy thought. But....do we really LIVE every day? I don't. Today, right now, this very moment, is really all we have. Wow...heavy thoughts, but in thinking about this journey that I am on....it is a good one to keep in mind. It feels overwhelming to think about how far I have to go. But when I think about time in the past, it seems unbelievable how fast time goes. Each day, each 'right now' accumulates at an alarming rate of speed. So if I can corral this 'right now' and make good choices along the way, then I will have a moment in the future when I can say,  "Wow...I did it!" But I want to be aware of "Living" every day, and enjoy this time for what it is.

Today is the day. We say that a lot don't we. Today I will start my diet....today I will exercise more. Today I will follow through on that project that I started(last year). And maybe we DO start, maybe we DO move...but then something happens and the motivation slips and we are back to that well trod road that has lead us here in the first place.

    SO the purpose of this little blogspot is to share our journey together. Are you ready to start living everyday without regrets and with motivation and purpose? I know I am. I am going to be like the turtle, "slowly but surely"....I have tried other methods, and they don't seem to have much longevity. So baby steps my friends, small conscious efforts to create a NEW road of health and well being. Let's go!!!